The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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just got destroyed by an 8 year old in monopoly who, at the end, said to me “everything you worked so hard for, i took away, and it made me feel good”
— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa)
March 10, 2024One Oscars rule that I have is when you say "TO MY PARENTS UP THERE", you should have to clarify whether they are dead or in the balcony
— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss)
March 11, 2024(on the verge of having a complete psychotic break) i need to make some kind of a list or perhaps sort things into categories
— n (@misosoupgf)
March 14, 2024whenever I meet a mean girl in 2024 I’m like DAMN. I didn’t even know they made these anymore
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl)
March 12, 2024Well you certainly did not earn the cow's trust https://t.co/8aQFuUZ3lP
— raina (@quakerraina)
March 12, 2024Really enjoying this Kate Middleton stuff because this is the kind of investigation work I do in private whenever I think any couple I even vaguely know might have broken up
— kate (@katebeingsilly)
March 11, 2024Bi girls with boyfriends be like I’m socially gay but fiscally straight
— Ciroc Obama (@frogg_gurl)
March 14, 2024i am addicted to saying "wow its soo nice out" when its so nice out
— lauren (@Very__Regular)
March 13, 2024born to say “are you fucking stupid” forced to say “wow i’ve never thought about it like that before”
— kathleen (@holdenfordfocus)
March 14, 2024sometimes Late Afternoon Me thinks about Morning Me who got to have a sweet little iced coffee and i get jealous of her. bitch
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard)
March 14, 2024should i airdrop this to the person in front of me on my flight pic.twitter.com/2IKPn91dFB
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel)
March 13, 2024Imagine they bring Kate out to prove she’s fine but then they cut into her & it turns out she’s actually Cake Middleton instead. Will the horrors never cease
— Gwdihŵ 🦉 (@youwouldknow)
March 14, 2024[Casually trying to figure out if the hot dude at my gym is old enough for me to hit on] what war do you most associate with your time in elementary school
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91)
March 13, 2024I could never be a movie critic because almost every time I see a movie I’m like “yeah that was fun” and it’s usually because I got popcorn and a big soda
— sarah (@sablaah)
March 15, 2024i can't believe i have to know the make and model of the planes i get on now. i barely know what kind of cars there are
— audrey bowler (@aud_bowler)
March 14, 2024i'm hearing the pandemic started 4 years ago today which is odd because i'm pretty sure that was either 800 years ago or yesterday actually
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney)
March 12, 2024“were you photoshopped? or were you photoshopping?” pic.twitter.com/OiE32z4aWN
— taylor-dior rumble (@taylordiorr)
March 11, 2024Don't forget to wear your jackets that are only appropriate for the temperature 3-5 days/year. Now is our time.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow)
March 14, 2024I got about 8 seconds into explaining the Kate Middleton situation to my French husband before he told me, in the Frenchest voice imaginable, "ah yes, that's why we decided not to have those sorts of people anymore"
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama)
March 14, 2024When people try to get in front of my car without using a blinker it’s like what’s ur problem… I would’ve slowed down and helped u out if you used a blinker…. Now we’re both stressed cus you didn’t know how wildly chill I am
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla)
March 14, 2024I get annoyed when it takes longer than five seconds for a website to load on my phone like I didn't grow up dropping a roll of film off at the store and waiting five days to get pictures back.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues)
March 10, 2024Trying to eat out less this year so now I pretend my apartment is a tiny restaurant pic.twitter.com/rwOwSiOvp3
— Princess Dionysus (@madisommelier)
March 14, 2024So bored. No boyfriends rn. Maybe I should work on my personality or do a puzzle
— Natalie (@jbfan911)
March 12, 2024u come to me on the day of a regular day at my job
— Kendall (@Kenny___Rose)
March 13, 2024venti iced coffee. high of 78. good hair. dinner with friends later. could i be any more successful.
— audrey horne (@credenzaclear2)
March 14, 2024Managing expectations pic.twitter.com/cqA0C5L5Le
— Midge (@mxmclain)
March 12, 2024I don't have a heating pad so whenever i'm on my period i just put my macbook on my stomach and play the sims
— ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱‧₊˚ (@bendergirlfrend)
March 9, 2024at dinner tonight the already hot, apparently poetically inclined somm explained a wine to me and my friend as "it teeters on the edge of sweetness but it doesn't fall" and I screamed aloud
— delia (@delia_cai)
March 9, 2024Two beautiful blue-eyed bow-tied talented boys who delivered the performances of the year pic.twitter.com/VyurBnLgXG
— 𝒞ʟᴜʙ 𝒞ɪʟʟɪᴀɴ 🍉 (@clubcillian)
March 11, 2024Cillian Murphy winning the Oscar as
the royal family rapidly declines in numbers, territory, relevance, public favor, hair? This is the Irish revenge my granny promised that I would see in my lifetime…
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara)
March 11, 2024I refuse to believe Marchioness of Cholmondeley is a legitimate title, and not just what would happen if I drank 5 glasses of wine and then tried to say Matthew Mcconaughey.#KateMiddleton#RoyalFamily#rosehanburyhttps://t.co/tn1oO0A27f
— Gingey (@Gingeypie)
March 12, 2024I have done this but I did not know there was funding available https://t.co/wwiJAU6NQA
— MJB (@MeganJBradley)
March 12, 2024my conspiracy theory is that no one has a normal aged cat ever. they always either just got a baby kitten or their cat is 18 and on death's door. no one has a 9 year old cat. No one says something normal like, "Oh Flapjack? He's 4."
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad)
March 12, 2024“Because it’s stupid and I don’t want to” feels like a perfectly good reason to skip a meeting.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker)
March 13, 2024not fight, not flight, but a secret third option (call my mom about it)
— trash jones (@jzux)
March 12, 2024self checkout assistants https://t.co/AnvKcXbCgl
— SLIM (@_slimarella_)
March 13, 2024I’m sleep at my friends house and I kept hearing the nature alarm on her phone, so I was like “turn off your alarm PLEASE” .. y’all why she deadass looked at me and said.. “those are the birds outside”.. I need to go touch grass for real.
— Niccoya ☆ (@niccoyat)
March 14, 2024Not sure which is funnier, someone planning to deliberately pull off a bobblehead heist, or someone just stealing boxes as opportunity arises only to realize they have thousands of Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads and the Pittsburgh Penguins are not happy https://t.co/Nc97nDniHM
— Emma Baccellieri (@emmabaccellieri)
March 14, 2024so what ever happened with the bedbugs in paris i feel like i never saw an update on that
— sarah lugor! (@sarahlugor)
March 13, 2024March must got melatonin in it because I been sleepy everyday 🤣
— 𝐇☆𝐓𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋🐅 (@mainbitchclique)
March 14, 2024goodbye interesting tweet that refreshed away from the timeline. i’ll never see you again
— Danielle Fong 💁🏻♀️🏴☠️💥♻️ (@DanielleFong)
March 12, 2024Related...
- The 3 Major Reasons Why Women Get Much Worse Healthcare Than Men
- 15 Stats That Perfectly Sum Up Why International Women's Day Feels So Meaningless
- A 'Spritz Of Armour': How Fragrance Is A Self-Care Tool For Black Women
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