Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humour lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
told the kids i had trouble with handwriting when i was little and 5yo asked if it was "because pens were made of feathers"
— priyanka mattoo (@naanking)
February 14, 2024My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland)
February 10, 2024Husband and I separately bought the kids the same chocolate lollipops today “for no reason,” which means we secretly stopped at the same chocolate shop, which means we’ll probably give each other the same box of chocolates tomorrow. We’re like a zero-drama Gift of the Magi.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney)
February 13, 2024my wife played "some great heights" by the postal service for the 12-year-old and he said "this sounds like a phone alarm"
— rob harvilla (@harvilla)
February 16, 2024So glad I helped 3 kids make 75 valentines for everyone’s trash cans.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield)
February 14, 2024Yall why I asked one of my 4yos how was his lunch and looked me dead in my eyes and said “you can have it. Mommy don’t cook right”.
💀💀💀💀💀
— Princess (@themultiplemom)
February 12, 2024the good news: we were finally early to a birthday party
the bad news: 23 hours early
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal)
February 10, 2024My 5yo: AT SCHOOL IF YOU BE NAUGHTY YOU HAVE TO SIT IN A CHAIR AND I AM NOT NAUGHTY BUT I WANTED TO SIT IN THE CHAIR SO I BE CRAZY AND THE TEACHER TOLD ME TO SIT IN THE CHAIR
Me:
5yo: WASN’T EVEN FUN IN THE CHAIR. GUESS I’M DONE WITH THE CRAZY
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis)
February 14, 2024when does taylor come out?
-my soon to be disappointed 7 year old daughter
— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho)
February 12, 2024I was a better parent before I had kids bc I didn’t know about negotiating with a 3yo. Tonight he asked for ice cream, I said “no you had a popsicle” he said “that was a snack, ice cream is dessert” I gave in, I can’t debate the difference between snack and dessert for an hour??
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes)
February 15, 2024My kids are once again fighting over which side of a Twix is better, the left side or the right side, because kids can argue about anything.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina)
February 11, 20249 was upset at dinner. When I asked him why he's mad or who he's mad at, he gestured at all 4 of us at the dinner table and said "this. everything". ok cool.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking)
February 13, 2024My kid is learning about facts vs opinions at school, but so far he's only used it to insult his brother, and then announce BUT THAT'S JUST MY OPINION
— meghan (@deloisivete)
February 14, 2024WOULDNT IT BE TRAGIC IF DAD JOKES WERE REALLY JUST MOM JOKES, BUT REPEATED BY A DAD MORE LOUDLY? https://t.co/eA5593KsdL
— Sam "One-Wheel" O'Neil (@OneWheelONeil)
February 15, 2024one thing I've learned with absolute certainty, from raising four teenagers, is that the peak of human musical creation occurred during the 1980s
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla)
February 13, 20247: I want a nipple
Me: What now?
7: A nipple, like brother, on his chin!
Me: You mean a dimple?
7: Ohhhh…yeah maybe
Me: Yeah, for sure.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues)
February 15, 2024My daughter told me that she knows monsters aren’t real because she hasn’t died from one yet
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99)
February 15, 2024Ever been so desperate you ask your kids for help?
"Do you remember when your mom told me to wake her up from her nap? Was it 7 pm, because it's 11:45 pm now.”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad)
February 13, 2024Wanted to see my 10yo so I reset the internet router to bring her out of her lair.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt)
February 13, 2024Sorry there are 26 kids in your daughter’s class and Valentines come in boxes of 24.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland)
February 12, 2024Related...
- The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
- The Funniest Marriage Tweets To Get You Through This Week
- The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
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