Who would have thought that the decisive factor in the 2024 United States presidential election would be a squirrel? Yes, the October surprise came in November, and involves the convoluted story of a Pine City, New York, household whose pet squirrel was confiscated and euthanized.

And, in a Canadian twist, their pet raccoon met the same fate. (Pine City isn’t that far from Toronto.)

The squirrel, Peanut, had been something of an influencer on Instagram, whatever that means for squirrels. Was it encouraging other squirrels to use a high-end tail shampoo? But one is apparently not meant to harbour wild animals, particularly the rabies-prone sort. (If U.S. government officials want to confiscate any inadvertently-harboured raccoons living in my garage, they’re all yours.)

What, you might wonder, does any of this have to do with the presidency?

Justice for Peanut.

We’re living in a meme-dominated moment, so there isn’t a logical answer. No, the Biden-Harris administration did not seize anyone’s squirrel. The police did, and the squirrel apparently bit a cop (when does one need to say allegedly when speaking of rodents? consulting a squirrel lawyer) so if anything you might expect the right-wing position here to be the other way around.

But somewhere along the line, the Trump-Vance side of things got the notion that ‘the........

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