Newspapers cannot be defined by the second word--paper.

They've got to be defined by the first word--news.

--Arthur Sulzberger Jr., Chairman, The New York Times

One can only wonder what Sulzberger thought when he read the Dec. 5, 2025, edition of his paper. It included the following headline and subhead:

I Can't Stop Thinking About a Primate's Bathrobe. How Can I Find It?

We're on the hunt for an outfit worn in the 1971 science-fiction movie "Escape from the Planet of the Apes."

The kicker to this story is a full-color picture of Roddy McDowall as the wise chimpanzee Cornelius in the aforementioned film. He is wearing a bathrobe that seems to be a terrycloth version of Joseph's coat of many colors (from the Bible), or something Donny Osmond wore in "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" (from Broadway). Someone........

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