When it comes to predicting events in the year ahead, I confess to not having the best of records. In this spot last year I predicted that, in the year ahead, Putin would fall from power, Trump would cut all ties with Elon Musk, and that Andrew, that previous prince, would admit he’s been in the pay of the Australian Republican movement, since it’s the only way to explain his behaviour.

OK, wrong on all counts; even the Trump-Musk bromance seems to have spluttered back to life. But that’s not going to stop me having another try. Herewith, my cast-iron, guaranteed-correct, 20 best predictions for 2026.

Look, I’m often wrong with my annual predictions. But not this time.Credit: Sydney Morning Herald

1. Trump will drop all the policies that make him unpopular, such as tariffs and National Guard deployments, as he hates not being loved. Instead, he’ll concentrate on the two things he really cares about: building the ballroom at the White House and naming stuff after himself.

2. Colesworth will begin losing so many products to shoplifters they will consider a radical new proposal: hiring actual humans to run the checkouts.

3. The international “war on woke” will result in the return of The Black and White Minstrel Show to Australian TV, alongside Love Thy Neighbour and Summer Heights High – at which point........

© The Sydney Morning Herald