Happy Holidays, friends.

Think about that word for a moment.

Hold it in your sacred space.

Surely that’s what the Holidays are all about?

Friends. Like family – only better.

Friends – the family we choose. People who are respectful and loving towards us. Like Oprah. (Hi, Oprah!)

Or like people who are proficient at hair and makeup and are keen to gift their gift.

Friends. Let’s dissect that beautiful word. It comes so close to being fiends – but narrowly avoids it by the felicitous presence of the letter R. Note also that it contains ends –which is what must happen to the relationship, regrettably, if fiendish behavior is ever displayed by the disappointing so-called friend.

Family –not so great, right? Starts like famine, ends with an ‘ily’, which sounds like ‘ill’. Best not thought about in the holiday season – especially family abroad, whether they are in the UK or the Philippines. Because note that the phrase is ‘nearest and dearest’ – to be dear, persons must be near, preferably in Montecito (hi, Gwyneth!) but anywhere in the Greater Los Angeles area will do. Otherwise, they’re kind of like pen pals? Which reminds me, when I was a kid, I single-handedly started an award-winning crusade against the right of parents to tickle their children to death in the UK – which not many people know was not abolished until 1993 – after heartfelt correspondence with an English pen-friend. We should all seek to make friends with pens, as only they stand between us and the very real dangers of social media.

Note that the phrase is ‘nearest and dearest’ – to be dear, persons must be near, preferably in Montecito (hi, Gwyneth!). Otherwise,........

© The Spectator