Several years ago, I went for a swim after I’d been for a job interview. I’d just finished my lengths, had my shower, and as I wrestled my knickers back on, a voice from behind me said ‘It’s Ettie, isn’t it?’ Quite how she recognised my bare bottom I don’t know, but the woman who’d interviewed me earlier in the day was certainly keen to continue our conversation, up close, personal and starkers. And for those of you who’ve never tried, I can assure you that trying to juggle one’s bosom into a bra in a flustered hurry when one is still slightly damp to protect what shreds of self-respect remain is inelegant at best.

I’m generally far too ill-adjusted to go skinny dipping

The whole exchange left me wondering about naked etiquette. Was she Germanically uninhibited or was I a total prude in my intensely awkward nakedness? I’m not one of those types who bolts herself into a changing room to don my togs lest someone catch sight of a flailing breast, but I certainly don’t spin out the stripping. There are plenty who do, and indeed there seems to be an inverse correlation between attractiveness and modesty. Total babes in their twenties will scurry into a cubicle. But there’s a morbidly obese old bird who insists on standing in front of the mirror, completely starkers, drying what chez nous we refer to as one’s Dardanelles with a brace of hairdryers. Fortunately, she only swims occasionally.

Maybe a certain naked nonchalance comes with age. Neither my mother nor my parents-in-law have any qualms about being caught with nothing on. The first time I went on holiday with my husband’s family, I saw both of his parents completely starkers within half an hour of arriving at our apartment. And I’ll wager there isn’t a builder or decorator, handyman in south-west London who hasn’t seen my mother making a naked dart between her bedroom and bathroom.

QOSHE - Exposed! / The dangers of skinny dipping - Ettie Neil-Gallacher
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Exposed! / The dangers of skinny dipping

18 1
23.02.2024

Several years ago, I went for a swim after I’d been for a job interview. I’d just finished my lengths, had my shower, and as I wrestled my knickers back on, a voice from behind me said ‘It’s Ettie, isn’t it?’ Quite how she recognised my bare bottom I don’t know, but the woman who’d interviewed me earlier in the day was certainly keen to continue our conversation, up close, personal and starkers. And for those of you who’ve never tried, I can assure you that........

© The Spectator


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