There’s always one non-existent friend in the group chat. That infamous non-responder, loitering in the background, whose contribution to the chat’s discourse remains minimal … if not extinct.

That friend is me. Consider this my self-appointed intervention.

As long as I can remember having a phone in my hand, I’ve been a terrible replier. The phrases “Sorry I missed this” and “How did this fall through the cracks?” very quickly became staple components of my cellular vocabulary. When a new group chat is created, the members will inevitably come to laugh at my inability to respond to a simple question in a matter of hours.

I’m not a horrible replier in all facets of my life, though. In fact, I pride myself on my swift response time when it comes to work emails, my manager and my mum, which the latter obviously loves: “I feel very privileged to be on your quick response list,” she tells me, alongside a smiling-face-with-hearts emoji.

“Call me instead,” I tell my friends. “I’m a much better caller.” They know if it’s urgent and they need me, I’ll pick up and always be there.

But if I read a message and I categorise it as non-urgent,........

© The Guardian