Forgive my Scrantonese, but where the fuck is Joe Biden?

As Donald Trump’s leathery mug fills the cable news networks day after day during his fucking criminal trial, why isn’t the President of the United States hopscotching across the country tooting his own goddamned horn?

When an exhausted Trump emerges from his shabby Manhattan courtroom every day to yell at the sky, why aren’t there contrasting images of Biden base-jumping off the Statue of Liberty or some other freedom-loving bullshit like that?

Why is POTUS MIA?

Joe, you need to get your face on the news, and I’m sorry, but your little speeches about “policy” aren’t going to cut the mustard. Make it look like you actually want the job.

Get freaky.

Sign up for the Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest. Strap yourself onto a motorcycle and jump over some school buses. It doesn’t have to even be that many—maybe five? Let me ask you something. You don’t think you’d win this election walking away if you jumped five fucking school buses on a Harley?

Fuck yes you would, Joe!

Why am I not seeing you literally handing out cash? I’m not talking about “student debt relief” which is fine and all, but it doesn’t have the same grandeur of Uncle Joe strolling into Dairy........

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