Honey, I can’t wait for you to come back to Chicago because we’re having a great time here!”—Second Gentleman, Doug Emhoff

Yeah, Kamala Harris might become our first female president. Big deal. When it comes to how she performs her job, I don’t expect her to govern any differently than her predecessors; the job is the job regardless of gender. But there’s one position in any presidential administration that has been defined by gender—first spouse. To this point, it’s all been ladies, primarily doing traditional lady stuff (at least publicly): tootling other first spouses around the capital, promoting initiatives in education or healthcare, or “being best™”.

If Harris gets elected, however, the current Second Gentleman will become our nation’s first First Gentleman, and he gets to figure out what that means. To me, it sounds like a dream gig mostly because nobody expects him to do shit. There’s got to be no better job in the world for a middle-aged dude with plenty of disposable income and a jet at his disposal.

First Ladies get saddled with all of the boring sideshow stuff that nobody else wants to do—saying hi to Girl Scouts and stuff—and I’m sure he’ll continue to do some of that. But does anybody really expect goofy Doug Emhoff to plan the White House Christmas parties or arrange the place settings at state dinners? No. Hell no. They probably mostly just want him to stay out of the way. Maybe throw on a suit once in a while, shake some hands, and occasionally hang out at the Olympics. I could do that! I’d be great at that.

Any First Spouse’s first job........

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