We received some critical information regarding the 2024 presidential race this week: Joe Biden fuuuucks. In a widely disseminated (pun intended) response to a question about the secret to a good marriage, Biden reportedly said, “Good sex.”

And thus, a news cycle was born.

Those two words neatly sum up the Stupid Season in which we currently find ourselves. Within them are encoded the election’s central narrative concerning Gampy Joe, namely that he’s too old. By alluding to his apparently healthy libido, Biden is essentially pushing up the bridge of his Ray-Bans, revving his Corvette, and adjusting the man meat in his Dockers.

Dark Brandon’s getting his swerve on.

Now look, do I really need to hear about my president’s bedroom escapades? I wish I could say I do not, but the truth is, I very much do. If I’m honest with myself, you bet I need to know how often presidents get it on, and with whom.

We’re humans—nothing is more interesting to us than, to quote Aretha Franklin, “who’s zoomin’ who.” Presidential libidos have been the subject of tongue-wagging since the days of Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson, both of whom had problems with matters of the........

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