Last January, I got into a fight with Andrew Dice Clay at a stand-up comedy club in Naples, Florida. The details of the altercation are unimportant but at one point, Andrew ludicrously threatened me with violence. “I’m gonna show you who I really am,” he told me in his Welcome Back, Kotter Brooklynese. I was like, “I know who you are. You used to be a popular comedian.”

Andrew was booked to do the early show, me the late. Although I was never a fan, I decided to arrive at the club early to watch the second half of his set thinking that maybe I’d gotten him all wrong and that the bullying dickhead he played on stage was just an act. Turns out, no, he really is a bullying d---head. Worse, his act sucked. It was unfocused, unfunny, and ended with him performing the same profane “Nursery Rhymes” bit he’s been doing for over 30 years.

Lest you think I’m just being a petty bitch—which I definitely am—I’m doing so in service of a larger point. There’s another bullying d---head out there repeating the same schtick he’s been doing for years and years. Like Clay, a lot of people think he’s a misogynistic pr--k. Like Clay, he wears the same stupid costume he’s had decades. Like Clay, his act has grown stale and his crowd sizes........

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