Now that Judge Juan Merchan has ruled that the World’s #1 Dad, Donald Trump, is permitted to skip a day of his criminal trial to attend his youngest son Barron’s high school graduation, I thought it might be a nice idea for a professional writer to prepare some remarks for the former president to deliver to the graduates. Just a few words of life advice from an old man who has seen and done it all.

And, because I’m a generous spirit, I decided to take up the assignment myself.

I’ll set the scene. As the high school band performs a stirring rendition of The Village People’s “YMCA,” President 45 strides onto stage, perhaps performing his “I’m flossing the space between my ears” dance. Magic.

Then, the speech:

“To the wonderful students of this very expensive private school whose name I do not know, congratulations. Today is the day all of your hard work pays off as we celebrate your incredible achievement. Not as incredible as being elected President of the United States twice, the way I was, but incredible nonetheless.

Your incredible administrators came to me with tears in their eyes........

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