A recent story gleefully made its way through gossip columns this week. It started as a blind item in celeb gossip newsletter, Popbitch.

“The story goes that a recent houseguest of Gwynnie's catastrophically shat themselves in bed while staying there, then fled back to the city before they had to face the music”

The Gwynnie in question was Gwyneth Paltrow and, needless to say, the blind item did not remain blind. The man was outed. No, I am not linking to it. You can Google in case you were planning to invite him to stay in your guest bedroom this weekend.

But I feel like that man deserves some compassion. So if I could talk to him, here is what I’d say:

First, don’t be so hard on yourself! People have digestive problems all the time. Maybe you ate something bad. Or drank too much. Perhaps you tried one of Gwyneth’s delicious concoctions that you thought was a dessert but turned out to be a nourishing peptide serum. We’ve all been there! You panicked, and much like literally everything that was........

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