My suburb has a bottle-o, a vape shop, three massage parlours and no residents

September 7, 2026 — 6:59pm

You have reached your maximum number of saved items.

Remove items from your saved list to add more.

I’m driving one weekend through my suburb with my son Hamish. We stop at the traffic lights by the train line, and consider the local shops, clocking three massage parlours, a vape shop, a bottle-o, and a closed double-fronted place that sold “mobility” vehicles, but which has since relocated to the rural town of Maryborough.

“Everything you need”, says Hamish drily, before reminding me that at the 2021 census, the population of this suburb, Tottenham, was 0.

The absence of a residential population explains why I’m stepping in to write this article – in this series they are usually written by someone who lives in the suburb. It’s also one of many things I find interesting about Tottenham, not least because I suspect the zero-population story is not entirely true.

There are two other Melbourne suburbs with no population; Essendon Fields and Calder Park. Of these, only Tottenham gets its name from England – specifically the working-class suburb north of London, home of the Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. Our Tottenham was named when the Tottenham railway station was built in 1891.

The idea of a Melbourne suburb without a resident population is intriguing, especially when, as with Tottenham, that suburb is a mere 8 kilometres west of the CBD. I don’t own one of the factories, drive a forklift at one of the shipping container facilities, nor am I running a religious congregation in one of the warehouses. But I do have a connection. Having lived in nearby in Footscray for many years, I’ve driven every street in this gritty landscape.

For instance, on the morning described I’m driving with Hamish to Sunshine.........

© The Age