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Self-respect is action and behavior, not just a feeling.

Boundaries are a form of self-love: They help reclaim agency after the aftermath of toxic relationships.

Small choices lead to big changes: Everyday decisions gradually cultivate lasting self-love.

Keep with it even when it is uncomfortable; discomfort means you are changing and growing.

Self-love is an important practice in healing and is often associated with self-compassion, self-esteem, and self-care. These practices, while important, can feel frustratingly out of reach for those who have survived toxic relationships or highly critical and high-conflict family environments, which can feel traumatic.

As discussed in my recent book, Adult Children of High-Conflict Parents, many adults raised by narcissistic, emotionally immature, or high-conflict caregivers find the idea of “loving yourself” can feel abstract or emotionally unsafe. When affection and approval were conditional, self-worth often became tied to performance, compliance, or emotional caretaking. As a result, many trauma survivors enter adulthood struggling with chronic self-criticism, people-pleasing, and difficulty trusting their own needs. Many adult survivors have strong inner bullies to constantly combat, that continue to lead to feelings of shame and guilt, and continue to erode their self- worth. I have found in working with survivors that acts of self- respect (such as setting boundaries, assertiveness, and treating themselves like they would a loved one) can be the first step in beginning their practice of self-love, which leads to ongoing healing.

Self-Respect Is Behavioral, Not Emotional

While self-love is commonly understood as an internal feeling, self-respect is expressed through........

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