One of the gut-punches about parenting is this: Our kids learn far more from what we model than from what we say. If we regularly lose our temper but tell them that yelling and name-calling are unacceptable, we’re creating confusion—and often little tyrants. If we urge them to choose caring, steady partners while we stay in volatile or unkind relationships, we’re teaching them that chaos and meanness are what love looks like—and therefore “normal.”

“Do as I say, not as I do” is a joke because it’s painfully, universally true.

Below are five ways parents unintentionally set kids up to struggle in their future relationships—and how to do better.

Conflict isn’t a sign that something is wrong—it’s a sign that two real humans are sharing a life. Even the most compatible people have differences, and those differences sometimes result in conflict. And that's okay! Healthy conflict is how people clarify needs, deepen understanding, and reinforce boundaries.

Parents often hear, “Don’t argue in front of the kids.” And yes—constant, hostile conflict is destabilizing. But shielding kids from all conflict leaves them........

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