One of the most precious things bipolar disorder robs from you is the confidence in your ability to show up as promised. For many, many years I was extremely reluctant to make social plans because I didn’t know if I’d be stable enough to keep the date when it rolled around.

I knew I couldn’t show up manic because I’d suck all the air out of the room and undoubtedly end up saying or doing something wildly inappropriate that would have me cringing in remorse when the mania disappeared.

It was even dicier if I were depressed. I simply couldn’t face the horrors of the mirror then, plus it felt cruel to subject others to the contagion of my god-awful mood. It was worse if I were forced to cancel. Canceling was sure to cause a spiral of shame and self-loathing, which........

© Psychology Today