Despite your achievements, do you continue to feel like you’re not enough? That no matter how hard you try, an inner voice whispers doubt? If so, you’re not alone. Many people, even those who have spent years in therapy or personal growth, find themselves haunted by this persistent feeling.

As a clinical psychologist, I’ve worked with countless clients like someone I'll call Ted, who, despite deep self-awareness and effort, still struggles with feelings of inadequacy. He worries that his current partner will begin feeling this way towards him. Ted’s story is not unique. He came to me after a long history of addressing this belief, which kept him anxious in relationships. Even though he understood the source of his discomfort — a distant mother — and worked diligently to heal, something would always trigger its reemergence. When this occurred, Ted felt like it would never go away.

One day, Ted asked me, “Will I ever get beyond it? Does this process ever get easier?”

Our earliest lessons are deeply imprinted survival strategies. As children, we depend entirely on our caregivers for safety and validation. When those caregivers are distracted, stressed, or emotionally unavailable, we can misinterpret their behavior as a reflection of our own worth. For example, a child with a distant or depressed parent may unconsciously conclude, “There must be something wrong with me,” rather than recognizing the parent’s limitations. This self-blame is an adaptive mechanism — it preserves hope that if we can just “learn to do it better,” we’ll finally get the love and

© Psychology Today