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Do We Really Hear Our Adult Children?

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12.03.2026

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As I read the first few pages of the book The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides, my heart sank quite a few times as my discomfort escalated and I recognized myself. I was flooded with memories of the multiple times when I hadn’t really listened, when I didn't read the room properly, and when I overstepped in exchanges with my children while they were on the precipice of adult life.

The Marriage Plot is set in the early 1980s on the East Coast of the United States. It opens with Madeleine (Maddy), aged 22 years, dreading the prospect of her parents arriving in the next few hours for her graduation from an Ivy League college. It's the usual story. She’s not sure where she’s going in life. She’s not in a good place emotionally; she feels lost. She has no interest in the significance of this day. Her boyfriend broke up with her three weeks ago, and she hasn't told her parents yet. She has a hangover from drinking too much the previous night, and she probably had casual sex with someone, but she cannot remember clearly what happened.

Enter her parents. So annoying and intrusive. They wake her up with the persistent ringing of the doorbell at her apartment at 7.30 a.m., and they are ready, as planned, to go for breakfast.

The usual accusations and demands start: “What’s the matter? Didn’t you hear the bell?" Madeleine’s lie, “I was in the shower,” was met by her father’s doubting reaction, “Likely story.” The parental insistence, “Will you let us........

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