We humans resist change. Even when we find ourselves in an unhealthy situation, we lean into the status quo because it somehow seems more comfortable.

Carol had a serious boyfriend, Jonathan, from 2014 to 2018. She ended the relationship, and he took the breakup very hard. Even though they haven't been in touch for seven years, she's had a recurring dream about him since they split. One morning, after yet another dream about Jonathan, she reached out to me to figure out what was going on.

“In my recurring dream,” Carol told me, “we're a couple. Sometimes I like him for a little while, and sometimes from the start I don’t want to be with him at all. It doesn't feel like something I want or decided on my own.

“The dream always ends up with him hurting me in some way. Not physically, but I'm saying to myself, ‘Oh yeah. He's an *sshole,’ as if I need to be reminded of it.”

I opened our discussion by explaining how a dream that recurs over a period of years is like a favorite expression. I gave the example of the expression, "Oh, darn it": "One day, you say, 'Oh, darn it' because you spilled your coffee. Five years later, you arrive late for a concert and say, ‘Oh, darn it!’”

Same expression, years apart, in completely different circumstances. But in both cases, you're feeling a similar emotion.

I observed, "We're not yet looking for the event that years ago created this favorite expression. We're looking for........

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