Victoria had just left an abusive relationship and was struggling with her decision. Riddled with self-blame, shame, and false hope, she worried that she made the wrong decision. "Maybe I should go back and give him another chance," she said on my couch one Monday evening, her voice tinged with uncertainty and a longing for the familiar despite the pain it brought.

"He wasn't always like this. Maybe he can change," she continued, recalling moments of tenderness that caused her to question whether those fleeting glimpses of kindness were enough to outweigh the constant fear and manipulation she had endured over the past year and a half.

"Why is it so hard for me to leave an abusive relationship?" Victoria asked rhetorically. "My friends tell me just to leave and that I can find someone else who will treat me better. But, it's like I just keep finding people who treat me badly..." she paused for a breath before asking: "Why?"

Like many of my clients, Victoria was a survivor of domestic violence—but also of abuse in her childhood home, an experience that largely shaped her perceptions of relationships and behaviors in adulthood. She had originally come to me to work through the stress of her relationship. But as we worked together, we began to unravel her experiences of abuse and trauma in her family of origin—many patterns that were repeating in her adult life.

This is because the experiences of abuse, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, within the family of origin can create a template for how individuals perceive themselves and others in intimate relationships later in life (Heim et al., 2013). In my practice, I find that many of my clients who were raised in abusive environments tend to grow up and enter relationships that mimic these abusive behaviors. As a........

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