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A marriage can feel flat and lonely when one partner grew up with their feelings ignored.

The most common obstacle is that the emotionally neglected partner does not see a problem.

They are not refusing to connect. They were likely never taught the skills that connection requires.

My husband says he loves me, but I don't feel love from him.

My wife gets confused, overwhelmed, or frustrated every time I try to talk to her about a problem.

I want a more connected relationship, and my husband thinks everything is fine.

My marriage feels flat. Some vital ingredient is missing.

These are complaints that I have heard many times. Almost always from folks who are in a relationship with someone who grew up with childhood emotional neglect. As a psychologist who has specialized in it for years, I have seen this particular loneliness go unnamed, sometimes for decades.

Emotional neglect happens when your parents communicate this subtle but powerful message:

Your feelings don't matter.

Children who live in such households naturally adapt by walling off their emotions so that they won't bother their parents or themselves. Since these children's emotions are squelched, they miss out on the opportunity to learn some vital life skills: how to identify, understand, tolerate, and express emotions.

If your spouse grew up that way, they may have difficulty........

© Psychology Today