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Some parents apologize and change, yet still remain permanently cast as the offender.

Keeping a parent in a villain role can protect an adult child from more complicated truths about the present.

Healing requires accountability for the past without making one person responsible for the future.

If you have read any of my past posts, you may have heard me say that the only perfect people are in the cemetery. What I mean is that, as human beings, for as long as we are alive, we are prone to making mistakes because life is all about trial-and-error learning.

During a recent parent coaching session, a mother I’ll call Sarah said something that stopped me cold: “How many years am I supposed to remain on trial?” Her 36-year-old son Daryl had legitimate grievances. Sarah had been highly critical when he was a teenager. She pushed too hard academically, which she regrets, and she sometimes dismissed his feelings instead of listening. Sarah has done a lot of self-recrimination about her struggles and mistakes when raising Daryl.

When Apologies Are Not Enough, But Then What?

Sarah worked with her therapist for years to gain insight, communicate more effectively with Daryl, and learn how to apologize—not the defensive "I’m sorry you feel that way" kind of apology, but the real thing. She had listened to Daryl's pain and hurt feelings, and she had changed how she spoke to........

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