Being lied to by a parent is an extremely painful and often traumatic experience. It involves betrayal by the person you are supposed to be able to trust most. For children, the experience undermines their security, as they are dependent on the parent for survival. Gaslighting is a special form of lying that undermines the children’s confidence in themselves while at the same time undermining trust and attachment to the parent. Persistent gaslighting by a parent throughout childhood causes pain and damage to a child on many levels. This post will focus on how this affects the child’s ability to trust themselves and how to repair this damage.

Gaslighting is a form of lying where the person being lied to is made to feel crazy, stupid, or damaged for believing what is actually true. Here are a few examples.

When Rene turned 16, her father encouraged her to learn to drive and get her license. She told him that she didn’t see any point in learning to drive if she did not have a car. He told her that he would get her a car when she got her license. Months later, after she passed her driving test, they had this conversation:

Rene: Dad can we go car shopping today?

Dad: We don’t need a new car.

Rene: You said that you would get me a car when I get my driver’s license.

Dad: No I didn’t. I told you that you can use my car when........

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