Most parents who seek my consultation have already consumed voluminous amounts of parenting content. They are all well aware that they, not their children, are supposed to be in charge. They know that limits and boundaries are essential for keeping kids safe and secure, and to help them learn to cope with life’s inevitable frustrations and disappointments. They are clear that managing their own emotions and not losing it when their child is melting down is essential. But in the heat of the moment, they get triggered into reactive mode and resort to yelling, bribery, negotiation and threats—tactics they know are ultimately ineffective and potentially detrimental.

The lesson: reading books by experts is one thing, carrying out their advice when emotions are running high is another. By the time parents arrive in my office, most are feeling out of control and helpless. They are berating themselves for being incompetent in the face of a human a third their size and are often frustrated and angry at their children for making them feel this way. They despair that the three to four precious waking hours (at best for working parents) they have with their children are spent in power struggles and negotiations. Lots of aggravation and not enough joy.

So, I asked myself, what is the missing piece of the puzzle? What is........

© Psychology Today