This post is Part 2 of a series. Part 1 can be found here.

Death and grief are often uncomfortable topics in American culture. As a result, many people are ill-equipped to cope with loss, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a career, or the dissolution of a friendship. When my brother passed, I mourned his loss and the loss of the life I had known. I did it largely alone, even though I come from a big family. I have 10 siblings and both of my parents.

Parenting does not end when tragedy strikes. There are ways to parent through grief that can be healing to both parents and children instead of traumatizing. My desire is that we stop only providing advice to parents on how to manage temper tantrums and provide them with clarity for the things that happen that bring us to our knees. Suffering in silence should be a relic of the past that no one is eager to resurrect. Being “fine” is not enough. Caregivers have a fundamental role in determining how children grieve. These are the four things I wish my parents understood when tragedy visited our house:

As a child, I felt responsible for my parents’ pain. This is a common reaction. Children often try to shield their parents from additional suffering, which can prevent them from........

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