“I’m not interested.” 

“This isn’t going to work out.” 

“You’re not the person we’re looking for right now.” 

Finality statements cue the death of dopamine, the early influx of depressive episodes and in unique cases, a stroke of panic that leads to endangerment. Whether choosing to ghost a date, denying applicants or terminating ancient connections, rejection can feel like delivering a death sentence. A guilty conscience inspires the rejecter to jump hurdles for the rejectee, softening the blow with white lies or prolonging a predetermined decision.

But by prioritizing kindness over clarity, people risk prolonging harm with ambiguity or creating a basis for delusion to flourish. Destroying opportunities and relationships with convicted honesty is best for both parties, regardless of cruelty in the instant. Direct denial is another long-term mercy that so often ends in tears. 

Of course, the biggest proponent of tears in restrained rejection is limerence, certain to keep crying consistent and recovery impossible. A favorite subject of mine, limerence is an involuntary state of obsession, characterized by ruminative thinking and a desperate desire for reciprocation. Though typically discussed in romantic context, limerence applies to any pursuit of the unattainable. It thrives on a combination of uncertainty and intermittent reinforcement, with similar psychological repercussions to gambling. A chemical and cognitive trap is established to keep folks attached to false goals.

And the buildup to a procrastinated ending sets the stage a little too perfectly for anxiety to spike. When the executioner has a foot........

© Cornell Daily Sun