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John Boston

John Boston

Santa Clarita Valley Signal

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John Boston | This November, I’m Running for the Oval Office

I am running for the highest office in the land this November. I confess. My motives are far from altruistic. An episode sent me over the edge last...

19.04.2024 10

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John Boston

John Boston | A Most Happy and Horrific April 5, 1970

Hey Dear R.P.P. (Roger Palmer Pal) …  When we chat about that April 5, I hardly know what to say. A contrite “thank you” isn’t remotely...

12.04.2024 4

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John Boston

John Boston | Hondo & the Pricey Mystery Meat Tacos …

One of the dearest people in my life is my baby sibling-like substance, Hondo Boston-Peters. Simply adore the guy. Hondo is a nickname because his...

05.04.2024 9

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John Boston

John Boston | Your Baseball Cap Screams What You Are

Best of Boston: The following column was originally published Aug. 11, 2023. I am probably the absolute last person to write an essay on dressing up....

29.03.2024 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Ellen? Please? Stop Making Brown TRPs!

Dear Mrs. Ellen Rubin Gordon, CEO, Tootsie Roll Pops, All Chocolate Division —  Before I inquire about how your day is going, I must ask, with no...

22.03.2024 4

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John Boston

John Boston | Some See Dead People? I See Liberals.

I’ve been blessed with many dear friends who also carry the job description of “HERO.” I marvel at the challenges many have not only met, but...

15.03.2024 4

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John Boston

John Boston | Starbucks & the $5 Prune Juice Latte …

My father is still with me, bringing a fond shaking of the head and a smile. Dad was one tough son of a gun. At 5, he lost his father and was forced...

08.03.2024 5

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John Boston

John Boston | My Election Picks & a Chance to be an Idiot Again …

A few years back, I was in the bleachers for one of those backyard political debates. On the Left was a 30-something foppish Disney executive. On the...

01.03.2024 3

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John Boston

John Boston | ‘OOF…!!’ That Cursed Word Kids Never Say 

There’s one thing to this day that I never cared about regarding my father. He lived to be just about 90 and, in all those years, he never once used...

23.02.2024 3

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John Boston

John Boston | McD’s, Cow Rustlin’ and the Upside to Re-Electing Gascón

Hard to believe, but up until the late 1970s, we had two sheriff’s deputies here in Santa Clarita who worked — full-time and then some — on the...

16.02.2024 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Rain, Babies & Running Like a Chimpanzee

I love the rain, I always have. Some of the more peaceful places I can return to are memories of the heavenly gift. This week was no different. Rain...

09.02.2024 6

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John Boston

John Boston | Heaven Has a New Prisoner: Tom Frew ‘Ivy’

Hey Tom Frew, wherever you may be. Thinking of you with an enormous smile, wishing we were, again, sitting across from one another at some fly-rich...

02.02.2024 3

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John Boston

John Boston | Make Me the Next City Czar of Parks & Rec

DEAREST CAMERON SMYTH, MOST HIGH HOLY & EXALTED MUCKY MUCK MAYOR OF THE CITY OF SCLARITA — Once again, I place digits to keyboard in a humble effort...

26.01.2024 5

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John Boston

John Boston | FAA: Hiring the Sleep-Deprived & the Flatulent

Not at all am I anti-government. Almost daily, a smile creeps upon my countenance as I pass the many tree-lined medians and shrubbery-rich albeit...

19.01.2024 1

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John Boston

John Boston | Casting a Long Shadow at Placerita Creek

I thought of this the other day, the old Jewish wisdom that an idiot can throw a rock into a pond that 10 wise men cannot retrieve. I was on the bank...

13.01.2024 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Again I Win the Most Boring Xmas Contest

My Best Pal in the Whole World is Phil Lanier. For 60-plus years, we use Woke Math and identify as 8-year-olds. Christmas can’t officially commence...

05.01.2024 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Giving up Lima Beans & Melvins for New Year’s…

Who. The heck. Am I kidding. We’re starting the hopefully illustrious New Year of 2024 shortly. Well. At least I am. If it isn’t just like me, I...

29.12.2023 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Dear Friends & Atomically Hot Christmas Chili

Christmas is not just around the corner, it’s here. Salivating and chest heaving, it’s pounding on the front door like the Tasmanian Devil in a...

22.12.2023 2

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John Boston

John Boston | The 2023 Palmdale Generic Christmas Holiday Newsletter

All y’all! Merry Christmas to all on the Palmdale family tree, which, some wiseacres in our link like to point out is more like a limbless stump...

15.12.2023 4

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John Boston

John Boston | A Handy GOP Holiday Talking Points Guide

Recently, our organized crime-figure president, Joe Biden, released a series of bulleted talking points to make Thanksgiving family get-togethers even...

08.12.2023 4

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John Boston

John Boston | The Soft Slow Dance of a Late Autumn Calendar

M y parents named me Walter Stanislav Cieplik Jr. and I’m not quite sure how I got old. Well. Let’s just say, approaching middle age. I was named...

01.12.2023 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Hey! Xi Jinping! Come Visit the SCV & Clean Up Our Streets!

DEAREST PRESIDENT XI JINPING — Top of the morning to you, amigo. Howzithanging? Representing the citizens of the riparian and gentrified community...

24.11.2023 6

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John Boston

John Boston | A New Federal Kill Switch for Cars & Liberals

It is beyond wearying trying to keep up with the shenanigans of the politicians and bureaucrats without number that plague the American landscape. I...

17.11.2023 5

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John Boston

John Boston | Tweedie, Lesbie, Lisa & Inducing Night Urination

I just recently discovered that the correct term is “Daylight Saving” (singular) — NOT — “Daylight Savings” (plural). It matters little...

10.11.2023 8

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John Boston

John Boston | The Devil Goes Trick-or-Treating

I’ve been haunted most of this week. Halloween was Tuesday and just driving through Newhall’s Happy Valley brought back memories. I think my...

03.11.2023 7

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John Boston

John Boston | You Should’ve Read the Ones That Got Away

More often than not, this poor, put-upon saintly newspaper is on the receiving end of calls for my perfectly formed head. In high-pitched, nasally...

27.10.2023 6

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John Boston

John Boston | Toys & God Boxes That Bring a Smile

Eons ago, I worked for the comedy icon Norman Lear as Useless Corporate Ant No. 14,487, crunching numbers. What struck me about the billionaire was...

13.10.2023 3

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John Boston

John Boston | So Where Do You Conceal a Blow Gun?

The other night, I was dining with friends and fellow members of The Worthless Sons & Daughters of the Wealthy Landowners, Santa Clarita-Velveeta...

06.10.2023 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Uncle Fester Sits in the U.S. Senate

One of my favorite eye-rolling statements from the wonderful folk at Fox News goes something like this: “The American people are too smart to stand...

29.09.2023 6

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John Boston

John Boston | The Unintended Consequence of Hobos in Mojave

There are things one can do as king that one cannot accomplish as congressman. Even with relatively absolute power, the intricacies of human nature...

22.09.2023 4

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John Boston

John Boston | Who, the Holy Heck, Fixed My Index Finger?

Via a finger, I have a question. Is it more important that I have confidence in God? Or, is it more important that God has confidence — a...

15.09.2023 2

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John Boston

John Boston | Well Shrink My Prostate & Call Me Tiffany …

So. Last week, I got the prostrate operation. I am showered in the blessings of having so many friends who all, coincidentally, share the mental...

09.09.2023 2

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John Boston

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