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John BostonSanta Clarita Valley Signal |
Truly, I tried mightily to get out of speaking at the recent SCV Latter-Day Saints Family Genealogy Fair. I’ve nothing against the dear Josephites....
We are living in Victor Hugo times, except, so far, our tragedies seem somewhat junior varsity. No walls of human corpses to furtively stroll past. No...
Ah, the index finger. The most dangerous of digits, more so than the provocative second from the thumb? Key to your sister’s chastity belt?...
A dear friend sincerely asked if I’d consider “switching teams.” He didn’t mean I should start wearing bun-hugger short-shorts, mascara and...
I saw two dead people Sunday night. It was late. I was headed home, driving through a deserted downtown Los Angeles. As I rounded the corner, the...
Many years ago now, I strangled my baby brother. No need to send the police. It was a justifiable homicide. My youngest sibling-like substance, Hondo,...
So amidst all the madness of impeachment, Oscar bozos, the agonizing mystery of where Patriots QB and multimillionaire Tom Brady and his supermodel...
After following the explosion in a clown factory previously called the Iowa Caucuses, I’ve decided to change my name to Bernie Sanders-Boston and...
I have a friend who contemplated suicide. Dear me. I suspect I’ve many friends who, at one time, when things grew so dark, secretly contemplated...
Even in the worst of situations, unless we’re talking about being plopped alive into an industrial wood chipper like that poor lady in “Fargo,”...
Maybe 50 years from now, I’ll get my official card as a Newhall old-timer, which allows discounts, like free drinking water at Hart Park and no...
Truly, Christy Smith, local state assemblywoman for the Santa Clarita’s Fighting 38th, it pains me to write this. Hate like heck to bag on a fellow...
Back before the solar system was formed and the loin cloth invented, I was a Mighty Indian. Hart was the SCV’s only high school then and keeping Law...
Like a meandering skunk, the year 2020 is within smelling distance. It’s time to dust off my miserably failed 2019 New Year’s Resolutions and see...
I’m not so sure why we need to place a date on Christmas. When I’m at my best, this holy day is with me, no matter what the season. When I’m at...
Recently, The Mighty Signal scooped the journalism world, sorry planet that it is, by becoming the first major media outlet to have arranged an...
“Give me land, lots of land, with the starry sky above, don’t fence me in…” — Lyrics from Cole Porter Way back when, my buddy Curtis Stone...
For most football players, or, for that matter, oboists, it’s harder to get a second napkin in a Chinese restaurant than an NFL tryout. Colin...
Years ago, I had a gal pal. She was a competent, flirty-skirty attorney. We agreed on many things, except of course, politics. Being a lawyer, she...
I’m a terribly sentimental fellow, which is not a bad thing. I don’t sob hysterically, fondly recalling a New England Patriots Super Bowl victory....
Here’s a shameless plug. Every Saturday for nearly a year, I’ve been writing 2,000-words-plus on the century-old history of this most wonderful...
Thought you beloved SCV people should know before you read it in the tabloids. I’m running for the Santa Clarita Valley’s recently vacated 25th...
Robert Burns has been the official high holy poet of Scotland for a couple hundred years. His pals called him “Rabbie,” with the annoying and...
So there’s a new movement afoot among certain dermatologists. They’re urging people not to take showers. You know what they call people who...
Thoughts and epiphanies frequently visit. I’m a fortunate guy. Several months ago, I had a revelation about people in power or allegedly smart. Have...
I’d like to set the record straight, right jolly up front. I’m not a racist. Having said that, I sometimes have a problem with People of Color,...
Fall is here. I can feel it. Is it because I’ve been good that the forecast calls for Rain, my dear friend, Rain, to visit today? Would that be...
Several years ago, I was tooling down the coast with my closest family member. We stopped at Cambria for the night in a charming inn. I’ll never...
Recently, Mike Kuhlman — if that’s his real name — was appointed as the new superintendent of the William S. Hart Onionized School District. The...
Besides the usual, “Die Polish Fake Cowboy Scumbag!!” fan mail, I like getting letters from readers. I received two recently that were...
I like the idea of Greenland as a 51st state, protectorate, territory or even as a leper colony. Dear me. It’s 2019. The closest thing we have to a...
When I was 7, we had the strangest holiday. It was called Christmas. It was January 1958. I so clearly remember returning from Christmas vacation,...
Some may point a bony, quivering finger and warn that dire things approach. Fistfights nationwide erupt over open borders, the proper amount of...
Dear Katie Hill, Read, with interest, a quote from you. It appeared in a recent web issue of Time Magazine and was about the move to impeach President...
I can picture my father at 9, an athletic, simple farm boy, sweet, shy, misplaced. He was always embarrassed to smile, though he did so perfectly. In...
Many are those who have more problems than me. Still. I love to visit my health club’s Olympic-sized pool and wash away my sins, my pressures,...
I speak Clown fluently. Starting at an early age, I was not a class clown, but rather, THE class clown, marching forlornly from kindergarten to the...
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