The October 7, 2023, Hamas massacre in the south of Israel caught 37-year-old filmmaker Abraham “Abie” Troen in the final stages of working on a music documentary, “Just Sing.”

That day, his sister Deborah Shahar and his brother-in-law Shlomi Matias were murdered in Kibbutz Holit. Their 16-year-old son lay beneath his mother with a gunshot wound in his abdomen, and was rescued from the house 10 hours later.

At the time, Troen was working on completing of his co-directed film, which has since premiered at the 2025 Tribeca Film Festival and will be released in theaters in the United States in the coming days.

Only now has the Los Angeles-based filmmaker begun dealing with the consequences of his loss.

“Every second I wasn’t working on the project, I had to be an uncle and a son, which to me was the more meaningful obligation. The role of ‘bereaved brother’ was pushed to the bottom of the list,” Troen tells The Times of Israel. “In the year that followed, I began documenting my family — a project I am deeply immersed in that expresses a tension between despair and hope.”

In a scene from the documentary Troen is currently working on, “An Israeli with an Accent,” his 83-year-old father, Ilan, an emeritus professor of history, is seen lecturing students at the University of California, Berkeley. “All of us,” says the elder Troen, “tend to view that territory between the river and the sea through a cultural filter. It’s not ‘neutral territory.’ It hasn’t been so for millennia. It has to do with what we imagine that place to be and imagine what that place ought to be.”

Like his father, Troen wants to take an active part in imagining a different future for Israel — one of coexistence for its two peoples.

“I draw a lot of inspiration from my family, from my brother-in-law, and especially from my niece and nephews, who have had to cope with a world without parents and without a home for three years already, and with my nephew’s horrific trauma after he hid beneath my sister,” he says. After surviving the murder of his parents, his nephew has lived with another uncle, Prof. Aron Troen, who likewise speaks publicly about a day in which the Palestinian and Israeli peoples can live side by side.

“The things you read about in the news are what I come back to again and again, and I want to make sure my niece and nephews will be okay,” says Abie Troen, who spoke with The Times of Israel last Thursday, a few hours before his parents hosted a salon memorial evening at their home in Omer, a small city in southern Israel, in commemoration of their daughter and her husband. The grassroots Israeli tradition of Zikaron BaSalon, originally set up for Holocaust Remembrance Day, now brings small groups of people together in private homes to share testimonies and mourn on all national memorial days.

‘I draw a lot of inspiration from my family, and especially from my nephews, who have had to cope with a world without parents and without a home for three years’

‘I draw a lot of inspiration from my family, and especially from my nephews, who have had to cope with a world without parents and without a home for three years’

On Monday night, the filmmaker took part in a joint memorial ceremony held by the Parents Circle-Families Forum (PCFF) and the Combatants for Peace movement for the 21st time.

This alternative Memorial Day event is a recurring national flashpoint, frequently drawing intense protests from right-wing activists who view mourning Palestinians alongside Israeli victims as an unforgivable betrayal.

This year’s ceremony took place in an undisclosed location in Jaffa and was broadcast live in Tel Aviv and in Jericho, where Palestinian participants gathered, as well as in screenings across the globe.

Among the Israeli family members who attended was Ayala Metzger, the daughter-in-law of Yoram Metzger, who was kidnapped from Kibbutz Nir Oz on October 7, 2023, and was later murdered in Hamas captivity in Gaza.

“Out of this devastation, I made a decision: So that his death would not be in vain, I will fight to create a reality here that allows safe lives for everyone,” Metzger said on stage. “I chose to join the PCFF out of a desire that no one should experience the pain we went through, and with the understanding that partnership is the answer to the violent discourse and hatred around us.”

“I imagine that on this land, from the Mediterranean Sea to the Jordan River, boys and girls from both nations will grow up healthy, happy, free, and safe, respecting every human being for who they are,” she continued. “This is not a distant fantasy but an achievable goal, and each of us has the power to attain it.”

In a pre-recorded video, Kholoud Hushiah of Jenin spoke about the loss of her son, Mohammed, who was killed by IDF fire in 2023, which prompted her to join the Parents’ Circle.

“Despite all this pain, I stand here today to say: We chose the path of peace, despite all the losses, because we believe that blood only begets more blood, and that death and bereavement will never allow us, or our children, to live in peace,” said Hushiah.

Nahil Jamil Hanouna, a photographer from Gaza who lost her siblings and extended family in the war against the Hamas terror group in Gaza, said in a pre-recorded video: “We Palestinians are human beings like everybody else. We want to live freely and in peace. We were created to build this world, not destroy it.”

Time to step out of the shadows

Troen says he wants to step outside the shallow and paralyzing box of being part of a bereaved family.

“The PCFF is one of the means to do that. There are also demonstrations against the government and activities I am involved in against antisemitism, and none of these things contradict one another.”

‘It is important to hold these meetings and see the suffering of the other, because only that way will we make this place better’

‘It is important to hold these meetings and see the suffering of the other, because only that way will we make this place better’

“I met a Palestinian woman who lost her toddler son when they were stopped at a checkpoint and he did not receive treatment,” Troen says. “She wanted to meet me as an Israeli, so should I not do that? On the contrary. It is important to hold these meetings and see the suffering of the other, because only that way will we make this place better. At the same time, I have no problem calling out people who speak against my very existence here as antisemites.”

Troen is active on several fronts in the struggle over the character of the country and the state’s right to exist, and in his view, they complement rather than contradict one another: “My nephews want to return to their home in Holit, to the place where their parents were murdered. How do I make sure that [massacre] never happens again?”

“So I will demonstrate against the government and in favor of a state commission of inquiry, because if we do not get to the truth of the matter, how will we prevent the next disaster?” he says. “And yes, things like the [Parents Circle-Families] forum also exist to ensure that as few Israelis and Palestinians as possible are killed. That will help me sleep at night, knowing there are others who care about me and about themselves.”

A foot in both worlds

Troen, who spends his time both in Israel and in the US, is also concerned about the growing anti-Israel sentiment in the US.

“It is connected to antisemitism and to different kinds of hatred, like homophobia or racism, that are raising their heads,” he says. “And there’s no getting around it, this will surface again throughout my life — and so the question is what we do. It’s not just the ‘Israel brand,’ but also the policies of the people at the top of the state, which negatively affect the way we are perceived.”

“When [right-wing National Security Minister Itamar] Ben Gvir shows up and pops open a champagne bottle over the passing of a law to execute terrorists, while most of the world avoids such laws, it reflects on people living in the West Bank, in Tel Aviv, in Ofakim, and on every Jew wherever they may be.”

“Ben Gvir has become the figure people associate with Jews, and that is a real problem,” Troen continues. “These are the people put in power, and the more we oust such elements, or deal with them more intelligently — because there is no choice — the better it will be for us as Jews and Israelis.”

‘I need to fix things’

Liora Eilon, 73, also chose to join the binational bereavement forum this past year. Her son, Tal Eilon, was killed on the morning of October 7, 2023, while commanding the rapid response squad in Kibbutz Kfar Aza. She herself was trapped in her safe room until the next afternoon, when the community was finally cleared of the killing spree carried out there by about 250 terrorists. Tal’s widow and their three children returned to Kfar Aza, along with about 40 of the residents.

Another hundred residents are in Shefayim and about 500 in Ruhama, including Eilon herself. Her home was completely destroyed and is being rebuilt, with the work expected to be completed by the end of this year.

“I will return there even though there is no logical reason to take such a foolish step,” she told The Times of Israel in a recent conversation.

“I knew with absolute certainty two things: that the entire world around me had changed, and that I was not going to let the world change me.”

“I knew with absolute certainty two things: that the entire world around me had changed, and that I was not going to let the world change me.”

“When they extracted me from the safe room after 35 hours, I started to understand what was happening around me when I saw others who had been rescued from Kfar Aza more or less at the same time I was, on Sunday at around 4 p.m. We got on a bus that took us to a hotel in Shefayim, and I remember that during the ride I knew with absolute certainty two things: that the entire world around me had changed, and that I was not going to let the world change me.”

“I had been a peace activist before that,” she says. “I took part in Road to Recovery, I drove Palestinians to receive medical treatment, and I participated in meetings of the Bereaved Families Forum. Back then, I wasn’t a member because I wasn’t bereaved, and already during the shiva [seven-day mourning period], when members of the organization came to visit me, I told them I was with them. That was clear to me from the outset.”

The Road to Recovery organization was deeply devastated on October 7, with several of its most prominent elderly volunteers murdered or taken hostage to Gaza, making Eilon’s continued dedication to peace even more striking.

“Over the course of the past two and a half years,” she said, “it has become increasingly clear to me that the state is in such a terrible condition that I say to myself that Tal was not killed for this country — not for the way it looks right now — and that I need to fix things. For me, fixing things means, on the one hand, demanding the replacement of a government that does not care about its citizens in any way, and on the other, demanding that the government reach political arrangements and put an end to these endless wars.”

In a documentary series “95% Paradise” about Kfar Aza and the October 7 massacre there, one of the kibbutz members is seen lashing out at Eilon, telling her that she does not represent the community and questioning how it is possible to talk about peace after everything the kibbutz went through.

“Within the kibbutz, we went through such a massive trauma and crisis that we try not to bring political positions into things in order to avoid creating conflicts,” Eilon explains. “We try to preserve the community, and this is not the place for that discourse. When it does erupt, as seen in that series, I know how to stop it.”

She added, “To that young woman who was angry at me, I said that I understand the anger, but we must hold different positions in order to continue existing as a community. She does not have to agree with me, but she must understand that both her voice and mine must have a place.”

The IDF does not want to hear

Eilon feels that the army is not interested in hearing the insights of someone who was one of the direct victims of its inability to protect Israeli citizens on October 7, 2023.

“I lecture wherever I am invited, mainly to pre-military academy students and youth. The army does not like hearing what I have to say, and it does not align with what they are educating toward today,” Eilon says.

According to an IDF probe, some 250 terrorists swarmed into the unsuspecting Gaza border community of Kibbutz Kfar Aza, murdering and abducting dozens of residents as Israeli forces struggled to reach the area for several hours, in what would later become one of the longest battles of the onslaught.

Residents were left to fend entirely for themselves for almost the first two hours of the onslaught. The army — plunged into complete disarray by the shock attack on dozens of towns and military posts — failed to come to their rescue as terrorists moved from home to home, kidnapping, brutalizing and massacring civilians well into the afternoon.

The probe concluded that the IDF “failed in its mission to protect” the residents of Kfar Aza.

“In the IDF’s investigative probe on the events that took place in kibbutz Kfar Aza, there is an entire chapter about the Eilon family, because of all the blunders they made at my house during the 35 hours I was trapped there. Aside from a company commanders’ course that came to hear the lessons I have regarding the army’s conduct, they are not interested in hearing from me. So I make do with pre-military academies and high school students, as much as I can.”

‘I lecture wherever I am invited, mainly to pre-military academy students and youth. The army does not like hearing what I have to say’

‘I lecture wherever I am invited, mainly to pre-military academy students and youth. The army does not like hearing what I have to say’

When she speaks in front of a group, “They are mostly stunned,” Eilon says. “Since I come with the ‘privilege’ of being a bereaved mother, no one can say to me, ‘You are a traitor and a hater of Israel,’ so they wonder how I can be a peace activist after everything I went through, and it confuses and angers them.

“Since I come from the realm of complex dialogue, I know how to answer in a way that does not provoke resistance and anger, but rather causes people to pause and think for a moment. I do not have the skills that some rapid-fire speakers have, but I have other skills that suit my age and my ability to stand before young people.”

The voices of Troen and Eilon will not be reaching schools anytime soon, either. Education Minister Yoav Kisch has repeatedly ordered representatives of the Parents Circle-Families Forum to be barred from the education system.

“For years, the forum ran a dialogue program in schools, and when the current education minister came in, he removed us, and we are engaged in legal action over it,” says the forum’s co-executive director, Ayelet Harel.

“We are willing to speak with anyone who is ready, and we are active in the pre-military academies that invite us. We wish the army would choose to invite us. Ultimately, we are voicing a moral and ethical stance whose goal is to ensure there are no more families like ours, and to show that there are human beings on both sides,” she adds.

‘Ultimately, we are voicing a moral and ethical stance whose goal is to ensure there are no more families like ours, and to show that there are human beings on both sides’

‘Ultimately, we are voicing a moral and ethical stance whose goal is to ensure there are no more families like ours, and to show that there are human beings on both sides’

The Education Ministry told The Times of Israel in response: “The ministry’s position in this context is clear and unequivocal. The contents presented within the program are inappropriate, harm IDF soldiers, and run contrary to the State Education Law. Accordingly, there is no place to allow this activity to take place within the education system.”

Harel is the bereaved sister of Yuval, who fell in the First Lebanon War, and she refuses to accept that bereavement is inevitable. “Unfortunately, it is hard to convey this to the media, which does not promote people who want peace, including Palestinians.”

Harel says she understands the difficulties — for both Israelis and Palestinians — in understanding the persistence of coexistence efforts, “but society needs to support those who, despite what happened to them, are working for this cause, rather than solely focusing on ‘revenge and heroism’ and ‘we will prevail and crush them’ and that entire conceptual world,” she tells The Times of Israel.

The two organizations holding the joint ceremony – Combatants for Peace and the Parents Circle-Families Forum – have seen modest growth since the October 7 massacre: They say that in the past year, about 150 Israelis and Palestinians joined their field activities, programs, and binational meetings. Two-thirds of the new recruits are Israelis, including some from the national-religious public, and half have no previous experience in activism.

The Israelis tell the organizations that they are seeking communities and a shared space during a period of political radicalization. On the Palestinian side, there has been an increase in the number of young people who wish to join.

A growing number of Israeli participants are attempting to serve as a “protective presence” within Palestinian communities, especially in the northern Jordan Valley, where Israeli activists act as human shields for Palestinian shepherds and farmers experiencing harassment and violence by extremist settlers. However, as the situation on the ground continues to deteriorate in the West Bank for Palestinians, the result is a severe blow to trust and coexistence partnerships.

On the flip side, the groups’ Israeli activists feel more committed to the project than ever, even as most report experiencing criticism, pressure, and even incitement against them due to their participation. As a result, many now prefer to downplay their peace efforts, even within their own communities. In the past, this phenomenon was seen mainly among Palestinians.

“Every person who joins and takes that step is amazing,” says Harel.

She says the forum includes people with harrowing stories on both sides, including Palestinians who lost entire families in Gaza and the West Bank, and of course, victims of October 7. She also notes that some Israelis’ fear of exposing their activity sometimes stems from opposition within their own families, and certainly from the hostile public discourse.

“It was always like this,” she says. “Instead of supporting people who choose dialogue, peace, and partnership in pain, the public atmosphere signals that it is inappropriate to join the forum, and right now, it truly requires more courage. Those who join do not want to be at the forefront, or they report that there are people who do not look kindly upon the activity.”

Harel prefers not to “invalidate” others’ opinions, but finds it infuriating that general society only recognizes one perspective.

“Bereavement is not private,” says Harel. “In fact, it is exploited by the state for agendas of continuing the war, and that is exactly what we would like to change.”

On this Memorial Day, Israel is still reeling and grieving those slain on October 7, 2023, and those who have fallen in the subsequent wars. Through his participation in dialogue with Palestinians, however, filmmaker Troen hopes to create a more nuanced national conversation.

“Israel will be in a healthier and better place if people are capable of dealing with complexity,” he says.

“We need to find a way to convey this message,” he argues. “I understand the recoil from what looks as though we are trampling on ourselves or being bleeding hearts, but alongside that, we have to fight for our soul and our humanity.”

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Parents Circle - Families Forum (PCFF)

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