It is a truth universally acknowledged that paying attention to Nick Kyrgios is only justifiable when he has achieved something noteworthy. Upsetting world number one Rafael Nadal at Wimbledon as a teenager in 2014? Remarkable. Reaching the Wimby final eight years later? We all stayed up to watch. Winning the Australian Open doubles with his mate Kokki that same year? Thanks for the fun ride.

Skulking on the sidelines under a hoodie or lobbing grenades on social media? Pass. Taking on Aryna Sabalenka in yet another “Battle of the Sexes” match? Bit sad, really. You could have been a contender, Nick. For a while there you were a contender. Now you are in danger of being typecast as Sideshow Bob.

The battle of the sexesCredit: Matthew Absalom-Wong

The Sabalenka-Kyrgios exhibition, to be staged in Dubai on December 28 (early Monday morning, AEDT) in an arena carrying the name of a teeth-rotting soft-drink, will not be tennis as we know it. Modified rules – including a slightly smaller court on her side of the net and only one serve per point – are designed to give the women’s number one player a slight advantage in her contest against the 30-year-old Australian who has played five ATP singles matches this year (winning just one) and has a world ranking around 673.

The most enthusiastic spruikers of........

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