‘Oh, why do the middle classes feel they must bring a present?’ Those words were spoken by Lady Charteris when she was the wife of the Provost of Eton and a dinner-party guest arrived clutching a bottle of wine. The scene took place between 1984 and 1992, when Andrew Boggis (who recalled it in a Times obituary addendum) was Master in College.

The conventions of dinner-party arrival have changed beyond recognition in the ensuing 40 years. What was seen as a ‘middle-class’, ‘common’ or ‘naff’ act in the late 1980s is now the done thing. To arrive at a friend’s house for lunch or supper without a present for the hostess would seem lazy and mean. ‘Enhanced arrival’ is what you aim for: ecstatic greetings with the handing over of a small bag with rope handles containing an expensive token of gratitude.

‘Enhanced arrival’ is what you aim for: ecstatic greetings with the handing over of an expensive token of gratitude

‘Enhanced arrival’ is what you aim for: ecstatic greetings with the handing over of an expensive token of gratitude

From America, land of muffin baskets, baby showers, flower sprinkles and doorstep hugs, the present-bringing habit has taken hold in Britain. It has also seeped in from France, where it’s been de rigueur to arrive at a friend’s house with florist flowers pour offrir. And, like all social conventions, it has escalated. Now, before going to a friend’s house for lunch or supper, or even a drinks party, I agonise for days about what to bring. Chocolates? Wine? Flowers? A scented or preferably scent-free candle?

The fear of being seen to be ‘middle-class’ (or naff) in your choice of........

© The Spectator