Courtesy of Anthony Tran

David A. Tizzard

My daughter was jumping around the room, happy she was going to play with the girl next door. I looked at her and asked simply, “Your friend is coming round later. Are you happy?” Without missing a beat, she stared up at me and replied, “Daddy. She’s not my friend. She’s my Unnie.”

Elizabeth is only 8 years old but she’s already able to describe her Korean relationships to other people in English. A friend is someone who is the same age as her (dong-gap). With these “chingu,” she can use the simplest form of language and doesn’t have to worry about honorifics. Those older than her become unnie (girls) or oppa (boys). When they are younger, they are “dong-saeng,” and she uses their names frequently. For the most part in Korean society, you do not use the name of someone older than you. You use titles. And people quicky establish their relationship with other people. It’s generally done by age but titles and position also come into it.

I’ve known my sister-in-law for about 12 years. We have travelled to different countries, eat and drink together regularly, and she plays a huge role in raising our children. Sometimes, admittedly after a few too many glasses of port, I say her actual name when speaking Korean as a way of testing the waters. Doing so brings an immediate glare from her and an over-reaction as if I’ve just committed some incredible sin. “Hey!”, she shouts. “You need to call me cho-hyung!” This is a title that a man is meant to use when addressing his wife’s older sister.

Things get a little more complicated with my wife’s younger brother. He is older than me and so, technically, I would be using honorific language with him. However, because I’m married to his older sister, I go above him in status and so he should technically be using honorific language with me. The result is a wonderful........

© The Korea Times