Dear First and Deputy First Ministers.

Congratulations on your appointments. We wish you well in your new jobs.

While we realise that you consider it important to create a celebrity image for yourselves, you will understand that the long-suffering people here have more pressing priorities than showbusiness-style glitz.

You have done the public relations. When are you going to tackle the public services?

Dear Michelle and Emma. You’ve done the PR. Now when are you going to tackle public services? – Patrick Murphy

Lay me down, in the hallowed ground, where my father waits...

Your performance to date suggests that your two parties have asked you to focus on populist, mutual backslapping. Presumably this is why they thought it was important for the two of you to attend a soccer match, for example.

Forgive us for pointing out the obvious, but it might have been more relevant to have been pictured at a food bank.

Maybe we should explain what a food bank is. You know the way MLAs get subsidised food in Stormont? Well, that’s a sort of a semi-food bank for the political elite. Those who are not so well off have to rely on groceries from food banks to feed their families. It’s........

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