It was Father’s Day morning, and my friend and I were comparing notes on whose offspring were the least prepared: if you thought children were useless, may I introduce you to adolescents? “I couldn’t put a card and some felt-tips in front of them,” she said, “they’re teenagers; they’re not nine.” “So have they made cards?” “Nope.” I am expressly forbidden from writing about my daughter, so let’s just square her off with the statement that she is perfect in every way, and her Father’s Day efforts were second to........

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