Very early in life, I perfected one skill: I can carry four pints at once. I put them in a straightforward quadrant; nothing dumb like balancing one on top. I have an incredible hand span, but also very pouchy, sausage-like fingers, qualities not much prized by the checklist of female allure, but extremely useful for carrying glasses. I had a brilliant apprenticeship, pulling pints at festivals around people who were too far gone to notice. When youthful hubris led me to try five, I learned........

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