Whenever I talk about my work friend Jack to my regular friends, I refer to him as “my young friend Jack from work” because, at 25, he is a full 10 years younger than me, which feels important to recognise. Anyway, my young friend Jack recently invited me to join his midweek futsal team, an exciting update because I love both futsal and midweek activities.

Unfortunately, while signing up, something awful happened. The man behind the desk did a double-take at my date of birth and raised an eyebrow. “You belong in that group,” he said, pointing to a group of older men who all looked vaguely like my father. “35 and over.”

Stuck in the middle: Too young for a house, too old for TikTok.Credit: Michael Howard

Then something even more awful happened. Overhearing the confusion, my young friend Jack stepped in and said, “No, it’s OK. He’s cool to play with us.”

I didn’t know which was worse: that Jack had to vouch for me or that I’d officially reached the age when midweek futsal competitions stopped bracketing my age. You hit 35, and it was just over. Later, when I relayed this story to my wife, she was unsympathetic, reminding me that carrying a baby over 35 is referred to as a “geriatric........

© The Age