What the hell is wrong with men? It’s a question researchers and, let’s face it, women, have been asking for decades.
Their plight has received some serious attention. Books such as The War On Boys, The End of Men (And The Rise Of Women), and Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It analyse what’s been happening to the male of the species over the past few decades. They track the decline of manual jobs and the resulting economic disengagement of unskilled men. They discuss unclear social expectations of men and media tropes, including the “mere male” caricature of the incompetent man. And they examine the demoralisation of men who no longer know how to be in a society that celebrates them for having status but also condemns them for being status-driven. They fret over what the Of Boys and Men author calls “the prospect of [men’s] cultural redundancy”.
It’s tempting to scoff at Ken – indeed, it’s tempting to scoff at men who are, as a gender, still culturally dominant in some ways.
These books were signposts along a path that has ended with many men wandering aimlessly in a social wilderness.
But the plight of men has also received a lot of derision. Men are obviously still very well represented in positions of power in society. Male-dominated professions tend to be higher paid. There are more women in boardrooms now, but still not an equal number – we have about 40 per cent of board seats – and women are increasingly represented in senior executive roles. But it has taken many years of hard work to carve out space in the face of the boy’s club, which hires “good blokes” over women who are foreign and challenging to the comfortable management manosphere. Female executives still find they are seen as ball-breakers rather than leaders when they behave in the same way as men, adding to the complexity of being a woman in charge.
There is a limited amount of pity that women still fighting equality battles can muster for men in these circumstances. And there is the fact that some men’s behaviour in the face of changing norms seems so perverse. Because it is not just men in the workplace who seem to be threatened by female leaders but men at home. Some women are starting to earn more than their male partners – quite a few in my social circle are doing so already – and despite the fact that means a higher total family income, not all men seem able to get comfortable with that state of affairs.
Before women’s liberation, the deal used to be reasonably clear: men who were strong and financially stable married women who brought beauty, fertility and housekeeping skills to the marriage. The more of each you had, the more of each you got from the other party.
Even when women started to work more, that remained pretty much the same. Until that is, women began to more regularly out-earn men. Now, women still often bring good looks – the emphasis on female beauty hasn’t changed. But over time, a relationship might. Women become high earners and retain their good looks. The jokes increase about how the man is “punching above his weight”. And perhaps he starts feeling that his status is slipping in the relationship.
This can even become dangerous: an Australian Bureau of Statistics study from a couple of years ago found that when a woman begins to earn more than her male partner, it increases her risk of domestic violence by 35 per cent. Violence is never excusable, but non-violent floundering men also create challenges for women in other ways. For both reasons, we really need to figure this out.
A friend in her mid-30s who earns quite nicely puts her troubles this way: “I earn a good wage, I look good, I’m good company, and I own my own place. If I were a man, I’d be the hottest property in town!” She’s got a point. But many of the men she meets, who say they’re looking for a strong and independent woman, retreat as soon as she behaves in a strong and independent way.
Perhaps that’s because young men who are trying to work out who they should be are told that they’ll have to stand aside while young women reach equality but castigated if they give up on ambition. It’s easier to be with a woman who doesn’t challenge them. Or no woman at all.
Young women, who are also growing up on a confusing cultural diet, confess their desire for traditionally tall, educated and professionally stable men on dating apps. They have, after all, been upholding their side of the gender bargain by spending too much time worrying about their looks. But they also want the dividends of gender equality. Men are being told to be and not to be the traditional thing at the very same time.
Pop culture has a way of summing up this confusion, from Amy Winehouse singing to her boyfriend, “You should be stronger than me”, to Ken’s song in the recent Barbie movie, lamenting that “it doesn’t matter what I do, I’m always number two … all my life, been so polite, but I’ll sleep alone tonight”.
It’s tempting to scoff at Ken – indeed, it’s tempting to scoff at men who are, as a gender, still culturally dominant in some ways. But as more and more women I know struggle to find fulfilling relationships, it seems antifeminist to be thoughtlessly cruel about the male malaise.
Parnell Palme McGuinness is managing director at campaigns firm Agenda C. She has done work for the Liberal Party and the German Greens.
What the hell is wrong with men? Yes, it’s a multiple-choice question
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08.06.2024
What the hell is wrong with men? It’s a question researchers and, let’s face it, women, have been asking for decades.
Their plight has received some serious attention. Books such as The War On Boys, The End of Men (And The Rise Of Women), and Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do about It analyse what’s been happening to the male of the species over the past few decades. They track the decline of manual jobs and the resulting economic disengagement of unskilled men. They discuss unclear social expectations of men and media tropes, including the “mere male” caricature of the incompetent man. And they examine the demoralisation of men who no longer know how to be in a society that celebrates them for having status but also condemns them for being status-driven. They fret over what the Of Boys and Men author calls “the prospect of [men’s] cultural redundancy”.
It’s tempting to scoff at Ken – indeed, it’s tempting to scoff at men who are, as a gender, still culturally dominant in some ways.
These books were signposts along a path that has ended with many men wandering aimlessly in a social wilderness.
But the plight of men has also received a lot of derision. Men are obviously still very well represented in positions of power in society. Male-dominated........
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