There is a Portaloo outside my apartment. The neighbouring property is being demolished and rebuilt, and among all the indignities I must suffer during the construction, the Portaloo is the worst.

Sometimes, the Portaloo is moved onto the boundaries of the building site. Sometimes, it lives on the nature strip. Either way, the fetid blue box is directly in my line of sight every single time I leave or enter my home.

How long can you hold your breath for?Credit: iStock

I used a Portaloo once, at an event, and it was, frankly, traumatic. Profound claustrophobia combined with a powerful odour plus a fear of the whole thing toppling over did not make for a comfortable toileting experience. It is not a memory I wish to revisit, and yet here I am, walking past one every day.

To add insult to injury, I can occasionally see the tradies entering or leaving the Portaloo, and I know what they’re doing in there, and I have to think about that on my morning walk, too.

Of course, I already know these tradies, intimately. They have been on site next door every........

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