You worked hard to provide a great life for your child, and although you were by no means the “perfect” parent, you did the best you could with what you had at the time. You gave them unconditional love, encouragement, and support. In your eyes, you were a much better parent than your own, and you’re proud that you intentionally chose to be different.

But now your child resents you, and they hold you responsible for their mental health struggles. Their challenges with anxiety and depression are your fault, and they hurl all kinds of accusations, overlooking the many sacrifices you made for them.

You try to talk things through, making every effort to listen, but your own anger and confusion get in the way, and conversations never end in peaceful resolution. You can’t wrap your head around their perspective of their childhood because it’s not how you remember it. Their perspective seems terribly unfair, wildly inaccurate, and maybe a little bit ridiculous. It feels wrong to apologize for something you didn’t do intentionally, which causes them to retreat further into their anger and frustration.

As a parent who loves their child, navigating these relational challenges can be an emotionally fraught experience. Blindsided by accusations and resentment, you may be grappling with feelings of guilt, confusion, and a sense of responsibility.

Having never expected to hear that your parenting style caused suffering, you may also be feeling overwhelmed by a mixture of empathy and helplessness as you attempt to reconcile your good intentions with the unintended impact on their mental and emotional health.

This difficult situation can leave you feeling powerless, and although you can’t change their perspective nor force them to let go of their resentment........

© Psychology Today