When we’re navigating the world of dating and relationships, we’re ultimately seeking connection—an opportunity to share our lives with someone in a way that feels meaningful. The reasons we connect with others are as unique as we are and often reflect where we are in our life journey.

You might connect with someone because of shared interests or hobbies, a mutual love of concerts or travel, or even a similar vocation that leads to a shared understanding of your lifestyle and career commitments. For some, it might be shared faith or a value system that aligns, fostering a sense of belonging and partnership. These commonalities serve as the foundation for many fulfilling relationships.

But sometimes, what we seek goes deeper than shared hobbies or surface-level compatibility. We yearn for a connection that transcends words—a connection with someone who truly “gets it.” This is particularly true for people with a history of trauma. In those cases, the desire for understanding goes beyond shared interests; it’s about finding safety and comfort, a haven where hurts and wounds are shared without fear of judgment.

When two people with a history of trauma lock eyes, the connection can feel instantaneous, as though they’re resonating on a frequency others can’t perceive. Without needing to explain a thing, they both intuitively recognize the scars and coping mechanisms of the other. This level of understanding can create an intense and profound bond, one that feels incredibly validating and healing.

In the early stages, this kind of relationship feels magical. You find yourself sharing openly, peeling back layers of pain and vulnerability with someone who seems to truly understand. The bond feels different—deeper—because it stems from shared histories of struggle and survival. It’s a relationship built not on appearances or circumstances but on the sense of being........

© Psychology Today