Kate feels like she’s constantly doing the heavy lifting regarding chores and child care, while Jake feels the same—managing the finances or handling big house projects. What they have in common is not feeling appreciated—both feeling that they are being taken for granted or, worse, being criticized at every turn for what they do.

Balance is an essential element of any intimate relationship. Yes, you each have your own style, pet peeves, and ways of showing caring that, on a bad day, can come to the fore. But overall, you both need to feel that everyday life is balanced. What does this mean? Here are some of the common elements:

If Kate or Jake sit on the couch while the other is getting kids to bed or cleaning the bathroom, things are out of balance. Kate or Jake is going to feel resentful fast.

Jake spent Saturday cleaning up the basement while Kate worked outside cleaning up the yard. Both feel like they worked hard but didn’t get the appreciation they expected. In each’s mind, while the work may be balanced, like most of us, there is still a need for recognition and thanks. For them, there’s not enough gratitude going around.

When Kate tries to simply vent about her day, she feels that either Jake goes silent and seems like he’s not really........

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