While you will probably never fake being a neurosurgeon, an airline pilot, or even a therapist, of the three, the therapist may be the easier. Yes, therapists go to graduate school for several years because there is much to learn, but at a basic level, part of what makes therapy effective is that the therapist, as the neutral outsider looking through a particular lens, can see things you can’t. But that being said, there are specific basic skills you can apply that may help you in your everyday life and relationships. Here’s my list of the top seven:

"I want us to be happy, communicate better, and have my kids behave." These are understandable problems but essentially unsolvable. To tackle a problem, you need to boil it down to an image or behavior: What does being happy, communicating better, or having your kids behave look like? By moving towards the concrete, you have something solid to strive for.

Just as making problems clear helps you know what to concretely strive for, making language clear helps draw out underlying emotions. This can be helpful for you, but it is especially useful if you’re helping a friend, child, or partner. When your friend says they’re “okay” and you ask what okay means, they emotionally drill down—they’re bored, mildly upset, better than yesterday. Explicit language is the gateway to more explicit emotions, and more........

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