Maria and Ben have been married for 10 years and have a 2-year-old son, Carter. While they both say that they rarely argue and agree on parenting and feel the other is a good parent, their relationship is suffering.

On a typical day, they each come home from work: One cooks dinner while the other focuses on Carter; they have dinner and get Carter to bed, then one drifts off to their computer while the other drifts off to the TV. At 11 p.m., they go to bed and do it all over again the next day.

Their story is familiar. Couples like Maria and Ben and older couples—those in midlife with children leaving or newly entering retirement—easily fall into the same patterns. Like Maria and Ben, they say they get along but feel disconnected or bored by their everyday lives. “Do I want to keep doing this for the next 20 years?” they ask themselves.

I call such couples “stale couples” because, like days-old bread, their energy, enthusiasm, and passion for each other have dried up. But why? Basically, they are struggling with two problems.

This problem is understandable but serious: The tendency to sweep problems under the rug rather than deal with them head-on. While some couples are wired to engage in........

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