Carla has been dating Josh for a few months, and it’s been great. There’s chemistry, he’s a good listener, they have a lot in common—what’s not to like? But dating can be challenging. It can be tough to find someone who not only seems compatible at first but actually is compatible for the longer haul—often easier said than done.

What can get in the way of truly knowing if you are compatible is doing “dating behavior” for too long. Sure, Carla wants to make a good impression on Josh; she avoids saying anything when he’s late or opening up about her difficult childhood on the first date. Unfortunately, some all too easily get stuck in this mode—biting their tongue, letting things go so they don’t spoil the evening—but at some point, they need to turn the corner and stop sweeping concerns and problems under the rug and pretending everything is fine.

Compatibility requires being open and honest. Here’s what Carla and Josh need to do instead:

If Josh’s lateness is an ongoing pattern that bothers Carla, she needs to speak up. This is about being assertive but also about letting Josh know who she really is so that they can ultimately create a relationship that works for........

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