Like it or not, you’re always connected to your parents somehow. Even if you’re estranged from one or both of them, they still shape your life by creating emotions that trigger over-reactions or determined vows to “never do, never become,” making you hypersensitive to what you feel you need to avoid in your other adult relationships. For most of us, our parents are more permanent fixtures to navigate throughout our lives. As we change, our view of them, what we need from them, and what annoys us about them also changes over time. Here is a simple trip through five stages of this primary relationship:

Even childhood is a mixed bag, with bursts of connection and mini-rebellion. If your childhood was filled with neglect or abuse, the results are less mixed and include more traumatic wounds—fear, walking on eggshells, strategies to stay out of trouble, or attempts to push back—that will shape who you are afraid of or attracted to in your adult life.

The classic 13-year-old wakes up one day and hates her mother, is embarrassed being dropped off at school, or by what they wore to the school play—anger flares up at this age. Teens who were adopted become curious about their biological........

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