When it comes to connecting with others, does your nervous system tend to run “too hot” or “too cold”? Or are you able to live in the secure relating sweet spot of “just right,” even when your relationships become challenging?

“By discovering how to support your nervous system as it fluctuates between your connection circuit (when you feel secure and want to bond with others) and your protection circuit (when you feel insecure and threatened by others), you can build the self-awareness and skills you need to stay grounded and connected,” explained Sue Marriott, a clinical social worker and co-author of Secure Relating: Holding Your Own In An Insecure World, when we interviewed her recently.

We like to imagine we’re holding a safety dial that represents what’s happening in our nervous system to see if we’re in the:

Your attachment system feels threatened, causing your protection circuit to up-regulate and intensify your attention, emotions, and actions. This makes everything feel urgent, causing you to abandon yourself in favor of pleasing or pleading with others. Notice what’s triggered your fears in this zone and try to take a cool pause to slow........

© Psychology Today