People often ask me whether it's possible to change their sexual fantasies. Generally speaking, the reason is usually because they have a fantasy that is causing them some kind of psychological or relationship distress.

As an illustrative example, I received a letter from a reader who asked the following: “Can I (or should I) try to change my sexual fantasies to reduce conflict in my marriage?” The reader was a heterosexual man married to a bisexual woman. His fantasies included his partner and the activities in them revolved around themes of lesbian sex and group sex (both of which are very common fantasies, as I discuss in my book Tell Me What You Want).

The couple has tried to incorporate these fantasies into their sex life in various ways, such as by having a threesome and watching pornography together, but they’ve had some less-than-positive experiences that have led to conflict—and they fight about this issue frequently. Ultimately, this individual wanted to know whether he could (or should) try to get rid of his fantasies to promote relationship harmony.

So what does the research say? Can you intentionally set out to change your fantasies?

Over the years, psychologists have researched a number of techniques aimed at altering people’s sexual turn-ons. Most commonly, these interventions have been done with sex-offender populations or among people who are........

© Psychology Today