It’s hard to ask for help, it may be even harder to need the help. But I do. I need it because tomorrow I'm having a big surgery, spinal fusion at eight levels. This surgery is both known and unknown to me. It’s my third fusion surgery, but my memories of the first two are vague. I remember they hurt a lot. The first was an emergency, so that was a terrorizing and traumatic blur. After the second, I couldn’t swallow solid foods for nearly six months; I remember that part more than anything else. Not being able to eat was awful—I really, really love to eat, especially fried foods.

Anyway, today I am striving to stay in a cautiously optimistic space. It is a wonder and a gift that this surgery is available to me. I have insurance that will pay for (most of) it and I have access to very talented doctors I come from a family of doctors to help me navigate those other doctors. If all goes well, I’ll regain the strength in my right hand and keep the strength in my left. I might even be able to hold my head up without........

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