Let’s begin by stating the obvious: Gaslighting (i.e., the psychological manipulation of a person, usually over an extended period of time, that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts) is bad, wrong, and the absolute worst thing you can do to someone you love.

But for the sake of using humor to explore a tough topic, let’s turn this toxic behavior into a satirical how-to guide.

Here are 10 classic gaslighting statements and the emotional devastation they could achieve if used effectively:

1. “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”

This statement is the emotional equivalent of pulling out a ledger of favors at an argument’s climax: “I once lent you my ChapStick; how dare you challenge my life choices?” It’s the ultimate guilt-trip maneuver, sure to send the victim spiraling into a black hole of self-doubt.

2. “This is why you don’t have any friends.”

The perfect insult disguised as tough love. Deliver it with a wistful sigh as though you’re genuinely lamenting their lonely existence. Bonus points if you follow up with a sarcastic, “Oh, wait, except me—aren’t you lucky I put up with you?”

3. “Why can’t you be more like…”

A timeless classic. Comparing your loved one to a saintly sibling, an accomplished coworker, or a friend’s spouse is an excellent way to make them feel both inadequate and unworthy. Just make sure your “perfect example” is someone they know personally, so it really stings.

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